


sweet dreams

by misura



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Comfort after Bad Dreams, Fade to Black, M/M, Pre-Canon, Sleeping Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23912059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Kaz likes to be held. Jordie likes to hold him. It's a perfect arrangement.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Jordie Rietveld
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: Hurt Comfort Exchange 2020





	sweet dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [M J Holyoke (wholeyolk)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholeyolk/gifts).



Ketterdam was nothing like home. Kaz had known that, of course; he wasn't some sort of idiot, but he hadn't quite known how different living in Ketterdam would be from living on the farm.

The only thing that hadn't changed was Jordie. Without Jordie, Kaz thought he would have lost his mind.

Then again, the only reason Kaz might have come to Ketterdam without Jordie would have been if Jordie had died, too, and that was something Kaz didn't even want to think about. It was bad enough that their father was dead. The idea of losing Jordie frightened him, much more than any of the people in Ketterdam who looked down at him.

Kaz tried to act brave, of course. He didn't want Jordie to think he was weak. Kaz wanted Jordie to be impressed with him, to view Kaz as someone helpful, rather than a burden.

It was just that it was so very hard to be brave all the time, especially when he was alone. Kaz knew that it made sense for Jordie to go and find work, because work meant money, and money meant food, and without food, they would starve.

"You'll see," Jordie told him. He'd come home a little early, with a small bag of dark licorice. "When we're rich, we can eat whatever we want."

Chewing on his licorice, Kaz didn't think eating what they were eating now was all that bad, but he nodded anyway, because he could tell Jordie wanted him to.

"And we'll live in a big house all by ourselves," Jordie went on. "And wear expensive clothes, and we won't need to do anything we don't want to."

That did sound pretty good, Kaz decided, even if part of him worried that maybe Jordie would want to go out and meet new people, other people, people who were more interesting or clever or beautiful than Kaz, who was, after all, only Jordie's little brother.

_I'd rather not be rich, as long as it means the two of us will always stay together,_ Kaz thought. He didn't quite dare to say it out loud, though. He didn't want Jordie to feel Kaz was ungrateful for everything Jordie did for the two of them.

"You believe me, don't you?" Jordie asked, sounding as if he really didn't know.

Kaz felt just the tiniest bit happy about that, and then, right after, like the worst little brother who had ever lived.

"Yes," he said quickly. "Of course." He did believe Jordie, he reassured himself. He believed Jordie could do anything he put his mind to.

On the farm, they had both had their own rooms. Kaz still remembered how proud he had felt, the first time their father had told him that he was old enough now to have a room for himself. It was only later that night, when he lay in bed, that he fully realized what it meant to have his own room.

It meant that he wasn't sharing a room with Jordie anymore. It meant that if he woke up in the middle of the night, there wouldn't be anyone there to hug him and tell him that there was nothing to be afraid of, that the creepy shadows in the corner of the room or the strange noises outside the window were simply that: shadows and noises.

Kaz had wondered, that first night, if maybe he'd gotten a room of his own because Jordie didn't want him anymore. By daylight, Kaz could have dismissed the idea as silly. Jordie loved him. He said so all the time, and Kaz knew Jordie would never lie to him about something like that.

But at night, all alone, with creepy shadows and strange noises, Kaz couldn't quite convince himself. Maybe Jordie was only being kind. Maybe Jordie hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings by telling Kaz the truth. Maybe the truth was that Jordie, not Kaz, had been the one who had earned a room of his own.

_Maybe I should go and ask Jordie,_ Kaz thought. His knees felt a bit weak at the idea of opening the door. What if those creepy shadows weren't shadows after all? What if those strange noises were being made by real monsters, lying in wait for him to be foolish enough to come out, where they could grab him?

It took Kaz a very long time to work up the courage to go and find Jordie's room. The farm looked different in the dark - even if Kaz had sometimes gotten up before sunrise, to get started with his chores, Jordie'd always been there, too, to help him and make him laugh and tease him into not being afraid.

He felt very proud of himself when he finally managed it, and of course when Jordie opened the door and hugged him, that made it all feel worth it.

Kaz knew that he'd happily brave a thousand creepy shadows and strange noises if he could be sure Jordie would be there at the end to give him a hug.

Kaz had lied to Jordie, that first night. Not a very big lie. A small one.

_"What are you doing here? What's wrong?"_ Jordie had asked, and Kaz had told him, _"I had a bad dream,"_ even though that wasn't true, because without Jordie there to protect him, he hadn't been able to fall asleep at all.

_"All right, so why don't you sleep with me? Like old times,"_ Jordie had replied with a grin and a wink, because neither of them were really old enough to be talking about 'old times', the way adults did sometimes.

Kaz liked that. He liked feeling older, more mature and braver and grown up than he really was.

Most of all though, he liked getting to sleep in the same bed as Jordie again, with Jordie's arms around him and Jordie's breath tickling his ear and Jordie's body curled up around his own, keeping them both warm.

They hadn't slept together all the time, of course. Even back then, Kaz had wanted to prove himself. But Jordie promised that any time Kaz had a bad dream, he could come sleep in Jordie's bed.

Kaz tried not to take advantage, to be honest. It wasn't always easy and he didn't always succeed, and he felt like maybe Jordie knew that, but Jordie never said anything, so maybe it was all right. Maybe everyone lied every now and then.

Kaz didn't know what would have happened if they'd stayed on the farm. If their father hadn't died. If he and Jordie had grown older together with hardly anyone else around.

In Ketterdam, there were nearly always other people around. Strangers. Almost all of them looked bigger and older and stronger than Kaz. Kaz tried not to mind. He had Jordie to protect him. To hold him at night, when Kaz felt scared or sad or simply wanted Jordie to hold him.

Kaz told himself that maybe Jordie wanted someone to hold as well, that maybe Jordie needed Kaz at least a little bit, even if he didn't need Kaz as much as Kaz needed him.

Sometimes he almost managed to make himself believe it.

Kaz hadn't really noticed that Jordie's body had begun to change. It happened very gradually, very slowly. Looking back, Kaz thought it had probably started before they had left the farm.

It didn't bother him much. Jordie was still Jordie, even if his voice sounded a bit different sometimes. Kaz did worry a bit if maybe Jordie would mind that Kaz's body _wasn't_ changing. It made sense; Kaz was younger, so once he got older, his body would probably become just like Jordie's. Rationally, Kaz knew this to be true. Rationally, Kaz knew there was nothing to do about it but wait.

"I'm becoming a real grown-up now," Jordie said. "Someone who can really take care of you."

Kaz didn't see what the one had to do with the other, even if it was true that adults could do a lot more than children - and they had money, he and Jordie. Not a lot, but Jordie had assured him several times that so long as you had a little, it was the easiest thing in the world to get more. All you needed was to be smart about it, and maybe a little bit of luck.

"I'm going to be a grown up, too," he said. "I'm not going to just be someone you need to take care of. You'll see."

Jordie's arms tightened around him. Kaz felt a hot flush of something he couldn't put into words, something that said, _more!_ even if he had no idea what 'more' there could be.

"But I want to take care of you, Kaz. I want you to always be my adorable baby brother, who can't sleep unless I'm there to hold him." Jordie kissed his forehead. He'd never kissed Kaz there before. Forehead kisses were what adults did with children.

Kaz wasn't sure how he wanted Jordie to kiss him instead, but he knew that he didn't want Jordie to treat him like a kid. They were brothers. As Jordie's little brother, Kaz wanted -

As if he'd heard all of Kaz's thoughts, Jordie suddenly kissed his mouth instead. Not some quick peck, like when he'd brushed his lips over Kaz's forehead. This was something different. This felt like maybe the something more Kaz had wanted; it felt right and good and warm and wonderful - and yet somehow still not enough.

Kaz experimented a bit, trying to kiss Jordie back. He didn't think Jordie had kissed anyone before (or not like this, anyway) so it stood to reason Kaz could learn to do it as well, perhaps even better than Jordie. That would prove to Jordie that Kaz wasn't as young and helpless as Jordie thought he was, Kaz thought.

Jordie made a strange sound, and Kaz felt his body move in response, felt Jordie's own body move in turn. He felt like he should be scared that he no longer seemed to be in control, but Jordie didn't look scared at all, just eager, and Kaz felt eager, too, and sure that Jordie would never hurt him or let anything bad happen to him ever, so Kaz knew that it would be all right, that as long as they had each other, they would be all right.


End file.
